"You're not going to do Media Studies! And that's final!"

As i was walking to work through town the other morning minding my own business and psyching myself up for another busy day, i walked past a mother and her teenage daughter stood in the middle of the pavement. The girl looked about seventeen, right in the middle of that awkward stage of trying to fit in with her branded record bag and painted nails yet shy expression. She stood silently as her mother, a plump lady with a stern expression and that type of matching businessy outfit that says 'headmistress', shouted at her at the top of her voice while holding onto her daughter's arm to stop her from walking away.

Why do parents do that?? I remember my step-mum always used to do that to me when we were out shopping and i had done/said something that she was super pissed about. The more crowded a place, the better. I distinctly remember one particular one-sided shouting match in Debenhams once. Nasty. I will never understand how parents think that shouting at their children like that will make them behave better. I wanted to push her into the nearest clothing rail and run off. Either that or do something equally embarassing to her, like push her down an escalator or something. Jeez.

Anyway, back to the mother and daughter in the street. They were talking about A-levels and the girls intended choices for the coming school year. (N.B i'm not a nosy parker by the way... it's not like a just stood there and listened to the whole conversation.. the woman was just shouting so loudly that i could hear her all the way down the road.) The girl had obviously done something wrong and the mother's method of punishment was to take away the one thing that clearly made the girl happy- wanting to study Media. The girl looked so sad when her mum screamed "You're not going to study Media! And that's final!" into her face. The girl looked so innocent and sweet- i couldn't quite understand what on earth she could have done that was so so wrong. Forgotten to make her bed? Didn't clean her teeth that morning? Painted her nails the wrong colour?

I remember choosing my a-level subjects with my mum, stood together in the kitchen with all the course descriptions laid out across the counter. English Language (obviously), Sociology, Media Studies and Art. Bliss. I ended up using three of them when i went to university to study media theory and then journalism. So they were the right choice for me. But what if my parents had said 'no' to my choices? What if my dad thought that i'd be better off doing biology and physics or (gulp)....Maths? What would i have done if they had decided to side against me?

I have thought about that girl a lot since then. Did she end up following her dream? Did her mum stop her from doing media? And was she bothered? I hope she got her wish.

xx

Dilemma Number Seventeen: My name is Rachel and I'm a shopaholic....

Well... at least i know i have a problem. That's good right?

Rackhams, Leicester. A heavenly place of reduced designers goods and sheer hell if you happen to have a problem with spending. Stupidly while flyering today i decided to have a small gander at the lovely dresses and shoes and came across a mint condition, last-pair-in-my-size Kurt Geiger Heidi's... Silver straps, cone heel, cushioned foot... beautiful.

Just to make matters worse they fitted perfectly. But i just couldn't afford them. I really couldn't. So i left the shop feeling actually physically sick and obsessed about them as i walked back up to work. I was so upset, but then i began to grow concerned with the nausea and the blind panic that my pretty shoes were sat there all alone, missing me while getting manhandled by a random shopper who clearly didn't appreciate them. Do i buy too many clothes? Do i obsess about shoes to much? Do i just obsess too much generally?

Take the Kookai dress i bought for my birthday just a few days ago. I first saw it about two weeks ago and regularly went back into the shop to 'check' on it until i got paid and could buy it. True, it's for a reason (i want to look pretty on my birthday) but is there another reason? I watched a TV documentary once about women who buy and buy and covet gorgeous dresses and shoes and handbags because they are objects and pieces that can fill an emotional hole that they couldn't fill any other way. I own about forty pairs of shoes, twenty dresses, and about thirty handbags. Some i love to pieces and some i have never worn and never plan to; I simply had to have them. Am i, trying to fill a hole too? And if so, what hole am i trying to fill? It's a worrying thought.

But back to the shoes. It was either the shoes, or a cold walk home every night till Friday because i wouldn't be able to afford the taxi fares.

.....Hmm.



I'll get the shoes tomorrow.


xx