Dilemma Number Seventeen: My name is Rachel and I'm a shopaholic....

Well... at least i know i have a problem. That's good right?

Rackhams, Leicester. A heavenly place of reduced designers goods and sheer hell if you happen to have a problem with spending. Stupidly while flyering today i decided to have a small gander at the lovely dresses and shoes and came across a mint condition, last-pair-in-my-size Kurt Geiger Heidi's... Silver straps, cone heel, cushioned foot... beautiful.

Just to make matters worse they fitted perfectly. But i just couldn't afford them. I really couldn't. So i left the shop feeling actually physically sick and obsessed about them as i walked back up to work. I was so upset, but then i began to grow concerned with the nausea and the blind panic that my pretty shoes were sat there all alone, missing me while getting manhandled by a random shopper who clearly didn't appreciate them. Do i buy too many clothes? Do i obsess about shoes to much? Do i just obsess too much generally?

Take the Kookai dress i bought for my birthday just a few days ago. I first saw it about two weeks ago and regularly went back into the shop to 'check' on it until i got paid and could buy it. True, it's for a reason (i want to look pretty on my birthday) but is there another reason? I watched a TV documentary once about women who buy and buy and covet gorgeous dresses and shoes and handbags because they are objects and pieces that can fill an emotional hole that they couldn't fill any other way. I own about forty pairs of shoes, twenty dresses, and about thirty handbags. Some i love to pieces and some i have never worn and never plan to; I simply had to have them. Am i, trying to fill a hole too? And if so, what hole am i trying to fill? It's a worrying thought.

But back to the shoes. It was either the shoes, or a cold walk home every night till Friday because i wouldn't be able to afford the taxi fares.

.....Hmm.



I'll get the shoes tomorrow.


xx