Ever read any Adorno and Horkheimer?
When i was at uni, i was obsessed with a text called 'The Culture Industry: Enlightenment as Mass Deception' from their book 'Dialectic of enlightenment'(And there's you thinking i was an airhead... i am actually very well-read thankyouverymuch). It still remains to be the only peice of writing i have read that's had a profound effect on me....to the point where i used to lie awake at night thinking about society and the terrible unconscious state we were in.
In a nutshell, Adorno and Horkheimer argued that the media and popular culture was like a factory, churning out standardised goods and products, through mediums like film, tv, radio, material-based goods like technology and fashion etc. These products were meant to unconsciously 'push' masses into a hypnotic state of capitivity and passivity... products produced by the media has the power of being able to pigeon-hole people into a range of character categories... the worker, the professional, the fashionista- you get the point.
By keeping masses in a state of passivity, the media is able to keep people quiet, gntly satisfying them with material gratification and stopping them from causing a fuss. Genuine needs, like love and happiness, and justice, are swapped for easy-to-handle needs created by the media. You 'need' an Iphone. You 'need' to go see Twilight. You 'need' to buy something/everything/anything from the Manolo Blanik collection at H&M. That feeling of inadequacy if you don't have the 'right' trainers, 'right' mobile or 'right' knowledge of music... you didn't create that...the media did- so you would comply and buy buy buy. Capitalism- don't you love it?
Think of The Culture Industry like 'The Matrix'... millions are kept unconscious, caged within an invisible prison and used for their buying power and ability to work... thus fueling the capitalist machine. We're too busy worrying about clothes and why we're single and the lastest action movie to see whats going on.
What makes me angry about myself is that i still fall for the same tricks, with full knowledge of what is going on. And boy, The Culture Industry feeds me my vice like a personal brand of heroin...
I had a day off today... and met with a friend for lunch and costume shopping (we're going out on friday) and somehow managed to spend £75 in TWO HOURS with my debit card (thank GOD this dilemma doesn't involve a credit card)... on crap. I'm not talking about currently looking at a £75 pair of pretty shoes.. i mean i spent it on a dress.. a bit of make-up, a meal with my mate, nibbles for work, a cocktail or two, a new purse, a diary for next year... CRAP. Mindless gratifying crap. And the Culture Industry won... i skipped around town with my shopping bags feeling happy and full of life.
And i got home. And worked out how much i spent. And on what? Crap. Crap that i thought i needed.. crap that i thought might look good...
And i felt ashamed. Knowing that i'd been taken for a fool AGAIN. And the sad thing, i'll never learn. None of us will.
Tuesday, 1 December 2009
Friday, 27 November 2009
Whats so wrong with romance?
Conversation last night at work with my gorgeous mate Sarah...
Me: "I think he's just dashing. I mean, can you imagine it? I'd love for him to just sit and play me songs and sing TO me you know?"
Sarah: "I can't think of anything worse. I think i'd rather eat my own face."
Me: "Why??? I love all that romantic mushy stuff."
Sarah: "You're on your own there babe!"
Sarah has a point... where has all the romance gone?
There are times when i genuinely think i was born at the wrong time. When it comes to matters of the heart and relationships... i feel like i should have been born within the walls of Verona, in New York with Benando and the Sharks, on in the Yorkshire moors near Wuthering Heights. I love love. I love being in love, and loving someone and being loved back. I love caring for someone, making them laugh and sharing memorable experiences. When i look back at all the romantic things i've done for any of my exes, i think of loads of things. Turning up at Tom's house wearing nothing but a coat and heels when he was feeling down one morning before college. Romantic weekends in Stratford with Dan; little b&b, some Shakespeare and a nice meal. Cards and little gifts on Steve's pillow so he would smile when he got home from work. It's just who i am and who i've always been. Making funny faces in a photo booth and sending the pictures to an ex i hadn't seen for weeks. Funny poems and notes, little naughty messages, roses, suprise meals at home and out.... i like doing those sorts of things.
Every weekend, my and my mates will go out after work for a drink or three. I look around and feel like i don't fit in. Every club is like a cattle market, packs of girls and guys furiously trying to secure a mate for the night. Taking them home and having drunken sex, only to wake up in the morning with the realisation that it was only lust. It meant nothing and one or the other has to crawl out of bed and make the long lonely journey home.
Being single for the first time in a long time, i feel so sad and disheartened at this concept. I dont want to be a conquest for someone, and likewise, i dont want to be the kind of girl that wakes up with someone she regrets sleeping with. I want more. I want chemistry and magic... if it still exists.
It's a minefield. Noone dates any more, noone waits to sleep with that special someone. Where's the wooing? Where are the sweet nothings and suprises? In a world where everyone lives at a hundred miles an hour is there something other than 'fast love'? Why does noone play the long game anymore? Surely everything is better (and yes, i'm mainly talking about the physical side here) when there is magic and feeling? I can hardly imagine you are going to feel your heart flip when you and the guy who's name you cant remember drag yourselves back to his flat for a quickie.
Pulling, one night stands, drunken snogs... is that all there is now? What's wrong with romance? Is it not cool anymore? Do people avoid it because it takes too long, or looks sad, or maybe too clingy? Does anyone think about weekends in Paris, and roses and suprises anymore?
Is it wrong to want more? Am i really alone here?
Me: "I think he's just dashing. I mean, can you imagine it? I'd love for him to just sit and play me songs and sing TO me you know?"
Sarah: "I can't think of anything worse. I think i'd rather eat my own face."
Me: "Why??? I love all that romantic mushy stuff."
Sarah: "You're on your own there babe!"
Sarah has a point... where has all the romance gone?
There are times when i genuinely think i was born at the wrong time. When it comes to matters of the heart and relationships... i feel like i should have been born within the walls of Verona, in New York with Benando and the Sharks, on in the Yorkshire moors near Wuthering Heights. I love love. I love being in love, and loving someone and being loved back. I love caring for someone, making them laugh and sharing memorable experiences. When i look back at all the romantic things i've done for any of my exes, i think of loads of things. Turning up at Tom's house wearing nothing but a coat and heels when he was feeling down one morning before college. Romantic weekends in Stratford with Dan; little b&b, some Shakespeare and a nice meal. Cards and little gifts on Steve's pillow so he would smile when he got home from work. It's just who i am and who i've always been. Making funny faces in a photo booth and sending the pictures to an ex i hadn't seen for weeks. Funny poems and notes, little naughty messages, roses, suprise meals at home and out.... i like doing those sorts of things.
Every weekend, my and my mates will go out after work for a drink or three. I look around and feel like i don't fit in. Every club is like a cattle market, packs of girls and guys furiously trying to secure a mate for the night. Taking them home and having drunken sex, only to wake up in the morning with the realisation that it was only lust. It meant nothing and one or the other has to crawl out of bed and make the long lonely journey home.
Being single for the first time in a long time, i feel so sad and disheartened at this concept. I dont want to be a conquest for someone, and likewise, i dont want to be the kind of girl that wakes up with someone she regrets sleeping with. I want more. I want chemistry and magic... if it still exists.
It's a minefield. Noone dates any more, noone waits to sleep with that special someone. Where's the wooing? Where are the sweet nothings and suprises? In a world where everyone lives at a hundred miles an hour is there something other than 'fast love'? Why does noone play the long game anymore? Surely everything is better (and yes, i'm mainly talking about the physical side here) when there is magic and feeling? I can hardly imagine you are going to feel your heart flip when you and the guy who's name you cant remember drag yourselves back to his flat for a quickie.
Pulling, one night stands, drunken snogs... is that all there is now? What's wrong with romance? Is it not cool anymore? Do people avoid it because it takes too long, or looks sad, or maybe too clingy? Does anyone think about weekends in Paris, and roses and suprises anymore?
Is it wrong to want more? Am i really alone here?
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
Electricity/ Je peux sentir les papillons.
Your touch is like electricity,
Pulsing through my body in strawberry waves,
Lighting my world and slowing time,
I can only close my eyes and surrender.
Your voice is like electricity,
Waking me up from the endless dark,
And powering my heart and mind,
I stand taller, head held high.
Your words are like electricity,
Sparkling before my eyes like glitter and pearls,
Wrapping me up in a strong embrace,
I can feel the butterflies.
xxx
Je peux sentir les papillons.
Pulsing through my body in strawberry waves,
Lighting my world and slowing time,
I can only close my eyes and surrender.
Your voice is like electricity,
Waking me up from the endless dark,
And powering my heart and mind,
I stand taller, head held high.
Your words are like electricity,
Sparkling before my eyes like glitter and pearls,
Wrapping me up in a strong embrace,
I can feel the butterflies.
xxx
Je peux sentir les papillons.
Shakey-Shakey
New Turkey menu is out... and here are two of my own magical creations...
'Miss Hepburn'
(Created for the World Class 2009 comp, Vodka Category)
Glass: Wine
Meth: Shake and Strain
2 Pinot Grigio Rose (Marchesni)
1 Ketel One Vodka
1/4 Luxardo Maraschino
1 Strawberry Puree
1 Cranberry Juice
1/2 Fraise Monin
Garnish: Frozen Strawberry
'42 Problems (But a drink ain't one)'
(Created for the 42 Below World Cup)
N.b this cocktail got to the East Mids finals... but i couldn't go! Blub.
Glass: Martini
Meth: Muddle Passionfruit seeds and watermelon, then shake and double strain
5/6 Mint leaves
1/2 Fresh Passionfruit
Roughly one tablespoon fresh watermelon
2 42 Below Original
1/2 Passionfruit Puree
Squeeze Lime
Garnish: Half Passionfruit with mint sprig
'Miss Hepburn'
(Created for the World Class 2009 comp, Vodka Category)
Glass: Wine
Meth: Shake and Strain
2 Pinot Grigio Rose (Marchesni)
1 Ketel One Vodka
1/4 Luxardo Maraschino
1 Strawberry Puree
1 Cranberry Juice
1/2 Fraise Monin
Garnish: Frozen Strawberry
'42 Problems (But a drink ain't one)'
(Created for the 42 Below World Cup)
N.b this cocktail got to the East Mids finals... but i couldn't go! Blub.
Glass: Martini
Meth: Muddle Passionfruit seeds and watermelon, then shake and double strain
5/6 Mint leaves
1/2 Fresh Passionfruit
Roughly one tablespoon fresh watermelon
2 42 Below Original
1/2 Passionfruit Puree
Squeeze Lime
Garnish: Half Passionfruit with mint sprig
Monday, 23 November 2009
Six stars are born!
Meet The Boudoir Belles... my new Burlesque group!
**Top Shelf:
Faye Knight/ Candy Bottom
**Middle Row L-R:
Aimee-Nicole Harrison/Lil' Scarlot Harlot
Me!!/L'Amour Rouge
Sherrie Cobley/ Lady Deluxe
Sami Pepper/ Trixie De-lite
**Bottom:
Kylie Hawryliw/ Sugar South
(Photo: Rob Fenn, MUA: Katy Short)
Dates coming up! Come and see us in a show soon!!!
Daily Dilemma Number Twenty-One: Jump?
Many many months ago when i split up with my ex i was a mess... i'm not ashamed to admit that. I was half the woman i am now... crying and hiding, shying away from everyone and unwilling to trust everyone. Poor little girl with a very broken heart. I still think of me crying myself to sleep in those first few weeks and a tear comes to my eye even now.
Heartbreak is one of the worst feelings in the world and unexplainable to those that are lucky enough to have never experienced it. Remember when i tried to write and explain that feeling of temptation in my other blog? I've tried writing about the feeling of heartbreak so many times and it just floors me... i guess it's all still too raw. I'll try again sometime.
Anyway... i digress. I will actually come to my point in the end.
Mid-way though what i remember as my 'dark period' i was asked to interview a very good friend and ex-colleague at a magazine i used to work at. She left that magazine to write a book about her journey through the mysterious and beautiful world of spirituality and how it has affected her life for the better.
In a weird way, that interview changed my life for the better too... and for that i eternally thank you Alice.
Alice Grist, the author of 'The High-heeled guide to Enlightenment' grew up the daughter of a vicar turned wiccan and immersed herself in the world of wiccan culture, including the art of Tarot. After meeting her a few months ago, Alice offered to read my tarot to see where i am and what its instore for fragile, vunerable me.
To be honest, i was a little skeptical. To start with, i needed to know what i wanted to know from the cards. But that threw up lots of questions... was i tempting fate by asking the cards? What if the answer i got was the one i didn't want?? Would i be changing the outcome by asking in the first place?
So i asked one simple question: What does fate have in store for me?
Alice did my reading and the result are and will always be incredibly precious to me. Needless to say, she read me like a book, and knew things about me that i felt and believe but had never mentioned to anyone. I cried when i read the results... not just because the truth was staring me in the face but also because i felt hope for the first time in a long time. I am an abolsute convert.
One particular part that i will tell you about is that Alice saw that the universe knew i was feeling fragile and vunerable and ready to make changes in my life. Because i was pretty much at rock bottom, and nothing could get worse, i was open and ready to receive the little gifts that the universe would send me to get me back on my feet. I believe every word she wrote, and instantly felt a sense of calm.. knowing that however alone and down and dark i feel... there are higher powers around me looking out for me.
Since the reading i have been doing a lot better. My dancing is getting better and better... (see new post) and i seem to be getting a few gifts here and there... meeting amazing new people, new opportunities, little lucky moments. I'm nowhere near recovered and my heart is still on the mend... but i feel a little better already.
So to today's dilemma....
Fate it seems, has dealt me a very lucky card and i've been given a huge chance. BUT, i'm scared. The chance (no i can't tell you) would mean lots of good things for me... but would mean a jump. If i'm still in a state of recovery should i stay where things are safe or do i jump and take a chance?
Van Halen says JUMP!
Heartbreak is one of the worst feelings in the world and unexplainable to those that are lucky enough to have never experienced it. Remember when i tried to write and explain that feeling of temptation in my other blog? I've tried writing about the feeling of heartbreak so many times and it just floors me... i guess it's all still too raw. I'll try again sometime.
Anyway... i digress. I will actually come to my point in the end.
Mid-way though what i remember as my 'dark period' i was asked to interview a very good friend and ex-colleague at a magazine i used to work at. She left that magazine to write a book about her journey through the mysterious and beautiful world of spirituality and how it has affected her life for the better.
In a weird way, that interview changed my life for the better too... and for that i eternally thank you Alice.
Alice Grist, the author of 'The High-heeled guide to Enlightenment' grew up the daughter of a vicar turned wiccan and immersed herself in the world of wiccan culture, including the art of Tarot. After meeting her a few months ago, Alice offered to read my tarot to see where i am and what its instore for fragile, vunerable me.
To be honest, i was a little skeptical. To start with, i needed to know what i wanted to know from the cards. But that threw up lots of questions... was i tempting fate by asking the cards? What if the answer i got was the one i didn't want?? Would i be changing the outcome by asking in the first place?
So i asked one simple question: What does fate have in store for me?
Alice did my reading and the result are and will always be incredibly precious to me. Needless to say, she read me like a book, and knew things about me that i felt and believe but had never mentioned to anyone. I cried when i read the results... not just because the truth was staring me in the face but also because i felt hope for the first time in a long time. I am an abolsute convert.
One particular part that i will tell you about is that Alice saw that the universe knew i was feeling fragile and vunerable and ready to make changes in my life. Because i was pretty much at rock bottom, and nothing could get worse, i was open and ready to receive the little gifts that the universe would send me to get me back on my feet. I believe every word she wrote, and instantly felt a sense of calm.. knowing that however alone and down and dark i feel... there are higher powers around me looking out for me.
Since the reading i have been doing a lot better. My dancing is getting better and better... (see new post) and i seem to be getting a few gifts here and there... meeting amazing new people, new opportunities, little lucky moments. I'm nowhere near recovered and my heart is still on the mend... but i feel a little better already.
So to today's dilemma....
Fate it seems, has dealt me a very lucky card and i've been given a huge chance. BUT, i'm scared. The chance (no i can't tell you) would mean lots of good things for me... but would mean a jump. If i'm still in a state of recovery should i stay where things are safe or do i jump and take a chance?
Van Halen says JUMP!
Thursday, 12 November 2009
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Dilemma Number Twenty: Bye Bye Lindsay, Hello Cheryl
It's been a while hasn't it?
I was reading through my posts earlier and came across my former self in a deep obsession with Lindsay Lohan. I'm afraid there is a new lady in my life.. bye bye Linday. Hello Cheryl...
I am pretty sure there is something VEEEERY wrong with me...
I was reading through my posts earlier and came across my former self in a deep obsession with Lindsay Lohan. I'm afraid there is a new lady in my life.. bye bye Linday. Hello Cheryl...
I am pretty sure there is something VEEEERY wrong with me...
Suivre ma tête pas plus
J'ai suivi mon coeur et je me sentais si heureuse. Je suis le seul dans le contrôle maintenant.... :)
So so long i've concentrated on giving 100%. So long i've concentrated on who everyone wants me to be. What they want me to achieve. I'm the one that breaks my back in relationships, i'm the one who ends up crying myself to sleep. I'm the pushover and the doormat and the one that has to be twice as anal to make sure everything is done.
Well, i'm done. I'm done stressing and panicing and being controlled by everyone elses rules. Yesterday i did something for me that I wanted to do. Me. And i've felt on cloud nine all day because of it. My rules, not yours.
So i didn't end up a journalist. I didn't end up working in a busy office. I may do one day but isn't it better that i'm happy? I'm happy in my lab concocting drinks. I'm happy teaching girls how to dance and watching as i slowly help to improve their self esteem. That's pricelss.
I love my life just how it is. I didn't plan it and i didn't know it would turn out like it... i just followed my heart.
Follow my head no more. Suivre ma tete pas plus.
So so long i've concentrated on giving 100%. So long i've concentrated on who everyone wants me to be. What they want me to achieve. I'm the one that breaks my back in relationships, i'm the one who ends up crying myself to sleep. I'm the pushover and the doormat and the one that has to be twice as anal to make sure everything is done.
Well, i'm done. I'm done stressing and panicing and being controlled by everyone elses rules. Yesterday i did something for me that I wanted to do. Me. And i've felt on cloud nine all day because of it. My rules, not yours.
So i didn't end up a journalist. I didn't end up working in a busy office. I may do one day but isn't it better that i'm happy? I'm happy in my lab concocting drinks. I'm happy teaching girls how to dance and watching as i slowly help to improve their self esteem. That's pricelss.
I love my life just how it is. I didn't plan it and i didn't know it would turn out like it... i just followed my heart.
Follow my head no more. Suivre ma tete pas plus.
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Dilemma Number Nineteen... Am i really destined to be a journalist?
The pressure finally got to me. I knew it would.
After i finished at DMU i went back to my bar and i fell in love three times. With Steve (although that technically happened while i was at uni) and with bartending. Not just bartending... spirits, cocktails, distillation techniques, origins, history, perfect serves, etiquette.... everything. I love working in a bar and it makes me happy. Lastly, i feel back in love with dancing, the thing i used to love when i was younger but shunned through a fear of choreography vs my poor dyslexic brain. A year on at Polestars and i still love standing in front of a group of ladies and teaching them to swing off poles, shake their asses or do raunchy burlesque routines. Great man, great job ... hey it's not the best pay... but for once i'm happy.
But all this time i've had a niggling voice in the back of my head. The trained journalist in me looking down her nose at me and sneering.."eer, don't you think it's time to get a proper job now?", "don't you think it's time to grow up?","didn't you say you wanted to be a writer?". Answer, yes. But on my terms. I love to write so much... but i think i've decided it might not be what i want to do as a job. I have some wonderful ideas a lot of the time (the dress chronicles will be appearing as a separate blog soon) and the sort-of book is always being worked on and added to, but i don't want to be one of those reporters running around a newsroom being ignored, or watching as their article gets cut to shreds, or banging the door of a bereaved family down. I want to write in a place where i have no limits. I want to say what i want to and when i want to.
I haven't written in so long because this niggling voice has for so long poisoned my love for writing because part of me feels guilty for not making my writing into a proper job. But would i be happy then? Probably not. Dilemma solved i guess.
Bedtime now.
After i finished at DMU i went back to my bar and i fell in love three times. With Steve (although that technically happened while i was at uni) and with bartending. Not just bartending... spirits, cocktails, distillation techniques, origins, history, perfect serves, etiquette.... everything. I love working in a bar and it makes me happy. Lastly, i feel back in love with dancing, the thing i used to love when i was younger but shunned through a fear of choreography vs my poor dyslexic brain. A year on at Polestars and i still love standing in front of a group of ladies and teaching them to swing off poles, shake their asses or do raunchy burlesque routines. Great man, great job ... hey it's not the best pay... but for once i'm happy.
But all this time i've had a niggling voice in the back of my head. The trained journalist in me looking down her nose at me and sneering.."eer, don't you think it's time to get a proper job now?", "don't you think it's time to grow up?","didn't you say you wanted to be a writer?". Answer, yes. But on my terms. I love to write so much... but i think i've decided it might not be what i want to do as a job. I have some wonderful ideas a lot of the time (the dress chronicles will be appearing as a separate blog soon) and the sort-of book is always being worked on and added to, but i don't want to be one of those reporters running around a newsroom being ignored, or watching as their article gets cut to shreds, or banging the door of a bereaved family down. I want to write in a place where i have no limits. I want to say what i want to and when i want to.
I haven't written in so long because this niggling voice has for so long poisoned my love for writing because part of me feels guilty for not making my writing into a proper job. But would i be happy then? Probably not. Dilemma solved i guess.
Bedtime now.
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
(Deep breath) The New Years Resolutions
Hey all.
Happy new Year/ Happy Hannukah/ Happy Xmas/ Happy Birthday... whatever applies.
So, 2009 is upon us and since we've only just got ourselves back to normal after celebrating new years it's time i decided on my new years resolutions.
I know i'm seven days late before you start, but this was mainly because i wanted to really think about the new rules i wanted to try and abide by. There's fuck all point in coming up with all sorts of weird and wonderful resolutions that are going to pressure me when i try (and fail) to live up to them. Plus, i want them to be positive, as i am the kind of person who finds it all to easy to slip into dark places and become sad.
So, after much thinking and debating... i decided on FIVE resolutions:
1. Take more photos
2. Improve my self-confidence by doing or learning something new
3. Talk about how i feel (esp. to Steve) and not bottle shit up
4. Finish the #whisper it# book i've been playing with for the last 8 months
5. Go on holiday.
Another year of blogging to come... so we shall see how i do.
xxx
Happy new Year/ Happy Hannukah/ Happy Xmas/ Happy Birthday... whatever applies.
So, 2009 is upon us and since we've only just got ourselves back to normal after celebrating new years it's time i decided on my new years resolutions.
I know i'm seven days late before you start, but this was mainly because i wanted to really think about the new rules i wanted to try and abide by. There's fuck all point in coming up with all sorts of weird and wonderful resolutions that are going to pressure me when i try (and fail) to live up to them. Plus, i want them to be positive, as i am the kind of person who finds it all to easy to slip into dark places and become sad.
So, after much thinking and debating... i decided on FIVE resolutions:
1. Take more photos
2. Improve my self-confidence by doing or learning something new
3. Talk about how i feel (esp. to Steve) and not bottle shit up
4. Finish the #whisper it# book i've been playing with for the last 8 months
5. Go on holiday.
Another year of blogging to come... so we shall see how i do.
xxx
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