Above: Me, July 2006
Above: Me, June 2007
Saturday, 28 July 2007
Packing musing
Well, yes okay. Should have moved in yesterday... but it didn't go to plan... new date is monday and i'm so behind on packing. How the hell can i have so much bloody stuff??
Makes you think when the contents that you hold dear are bagged and boxed up and are enjoying the afternoon sun coming into the dining room. I loathe sorting shit out... i'm a big fan of big piles of papers and sentimental items. But as i began to throw stuff away, something became really obvious. I've changed a hell of a lot in the past year.
A couple of days ago i found a Birmingham A-Z that was i was going to give to my friend. I used the map the very first and last day of my Birmingham life. Way back in 2003 when my dad and i were trying to find my halls of residence which were slap bang in the middle of town, and on the last day when i was trying to find the quickest route out when driving all my stuff back to Leicester as darkness was falling. Was it just a year ago that i graduated?
I have hundreds and hundreds of photos charting my whole uni life. The last photos of me are of the graduation night i arranged for my friends... and i look so down. I was so down. I was much bigger in appearance and you could see my insecurity etched on my face. Finding those the other day i kind of felt sorry for me back then. Not having the courage to break free from a failing relationship, not having the inner peace to just forget everyone else and be happy. Taking photos of my walls, i then see the last picture of me taken recently- a photo of me and Emma #3 on my sisters birthday. So much difference. New hair, new body, new smile. All the people that i've met during the last year have had a profound effect on me, and i will love them all forever for that. Course, i have my moments of paranoia (n.b it's only when i feel under threat or am worried i may lose something precious... so it can't be that bad right?) but i'm laughing more, smiling more and loving again.
So, new house on monday. Really excited... and yet really nervous. When i left for uni, i knew i'd be coming to live at home again while i took my post-grad thingy.. now, its different. I'm leaving forever. I'm gonna miss my Dad and Emma so much, although she'll shortly be joining me in city living soon. Big room, double bed and space for my pole. Perfect. xx
Makes you think when the contents that you hold dear are bagged and boxed up and are enjoying the afternoon sun coming into the dining room. I loathe sorting shit out... i'm a big fan of big piles of papers and sentimental items. But as i began to throw stuff away, something became really obvious. I've changed a hell of a lot in the past year.
A couple of days ago i found a Birmingham A-Z that was i was going to give to my friend. I used the map the very first and last day of my Birmingham life. Way back in 2003 when my dad and i were trying to find my halls of residence which were slap bang in the middle of town, and on the last day when i was trying to find the quickest route out when driving all my stuff back to Leicester as darkness was falling. Was it just a year ago that i graduated?
I have hundreds and hundreds of photos charting my whole uni life. The last photos of me are of the graduation night i arranged for my friends... and i look so down. I was so down. I was much bigger in appearance and you could see my insecurity etched on my face. Finding those the other day i kind of felt sorry for me back then. Not having the courage to break free from a failing relationship, not having the inner peace to just forget everyone else and be happy. Taking photos of my walls, i then see the last picture of me taken recently- a photo of me and Emma #3 on my sisters birthday. So much difference. New hair, new body, new smile. All the people that i've met during the last year have had a profound effect on me, and i will love them all forever for that. Course, i have my moments of paranoia (n.b it's only when i feel under threat or am worried i may lose something precious... so it can't be that bad right?) but i'm laughing more, smiling more and loving again.
So, new house on monday. Really excited... and yet really nervous. When i left for uni, i knew i'd be coming to live at home again while i took my post-grad thingy.. now, its different. I'm leaving forever. I'm gonna miss my Dad and Emma so much, although she'll shortly be joining me in city living soon. Big room, double bed and space for my pole. Perfect. xx
Tuesday, 24 July 2007
Daily Dilemma #6 revisited... the problem is getting worse and worse
the other week...
Turkey Cafe, stood in the kitchen with chef Olly looking at his Top Gear magnetic cool wall on one of the fridges...
Me: "Oi! You've moved this back haven't you?"
Olly: "Moved what?"
Me: "This wall, theres more gay cars back in the sub zero section. And why the hell is the BMW z-4 and the Bentley Continental been taken out?"
Olly: "Cos they're gay!"
Rach: "No they're not!"
Olly: "You don't know anything"
Rach: "Clearly, neither do you."
Turkey Cafe, stood in the kitchen with chef Olly looking at his Top Gear magnetic cool wall on one of the fridges...
Me: "Oi! You've moved this back haven't you?"
Olly: "Moved what?"
Me: "This wall, theres more gay cars back in the sub zero section. And why the hell is the BMW z-4 and the Bentley Continental been taken out?"
Olly: "Cos they're gay!"
Rach: "No they're not!"
Olly: "You don't know anything"
Rach: "Clearly, neither do you."
DailyDilemma #2- revisited! and solved (as of friday)
It's finally happening! I'm moving out! No more cramped space and nowwhere to take a certain handsome man back to. No longer do i have to sqeeeeeeeeze all my things into my wardrobe or under my bed. I'm so excited! Daily Dilemma number 2- solved! xx
dilemme quotidien #8- Oh non…
Il y a des mois j'ai promis lui et moi-même que je ne tomberais pas. Je me suis promis que je ne tomberais pas. Mais, je suis tombé. Et je ne sais pas quoi faire. C'est amour. Dieu. J'ai des ennuis. Je ne sais pas lui dire l'un ou l'autre….ils freak le dehors. Mais il me fait ainsi si heureux, et je ris et souris toute l'heure. Sure, il y a des mauvais moments, mais c'est une baisse dans l'océan comparé à l'amusement et les rires et des moments où nous avons. J'ai des ennuis. Et je ne sais pas quoi faire…
Saturday, 14 July 2007
Random musing at 03:04
I can't sleep.... so i thought i'd write.
The last few days haven't exactly been easy. I made myself sick worrying and crying over the fact that i hurt someone really really close to me, and who practically means the world to me right now. Plus, there's the whole stresses of my family, work, money and moving in to the new house.... all in all... it's been a stressful few days.
But, i have learnt many things that i need to remember...hence the writing. Yes, i read my blogs too... they serve as a reminder you know? Anyway...
1) As the wise lady said "Exes are exes for a reason". Damn that girl, i hate it when she's right. This little peice of information may be very simple in concept but it's taken a long time to accept. But the lady is right- there's zero point stressing about the small chance that someone might fall back into the arms of someone they once loved, because if they really meant that much, then they wouldn't be exes right? Right. One thing i must remember at all times.
2) I'm worth something. I have to stop being so polite/selfless and quite frankly, a pushover. When someones offers to do something for me, it's not going to cause fuss if i accept. Like if a certain handsome man offered a certain redhead lady a lift home, she should not say no to the lift because she may be worried that he is going out of his way and thinks he thinks he has to when he actually want to because he likes too. Duh Rach.
3) Dont' stress about stuff you can't change. Ever since i was little one of my biggest problems has been taking on stresses that aren't mine. That has to stop. People will argue whether you try and help or not, and some things will just happen.
4) Stop trying to put labels on everything. If i'm happy, when is there any need to question and analyse everything. I'm extremely happy again, much happier and confident that i've felt in ages. And i know why. But be that as it may, it doesn't mean that everything must be examined and labelled. As a certain handsome man said "You think about things way too much".
Handsome man is right.
The last few days haven't exactly been easy. I made myself sick worrying and crying over the fact that i hurt someone really really close to me, and who practically means the world to me right now. Plus, there's the whole stresses of my family, work, money and moving in to the new house.... all in all... it's been a stressful few days.
But, i have learnt many things that i need to remember...hence the writing. Yes, i read my blogs too... they serve as a reminder you know? Anyway...
1) As the wise lady said "Exes are exes for a reason". Damn that girl, i hate it when she's right. This little peice of information may be very simple in concept but it's taken a long time to accept. But the lady is right- there's zero point stressing about the small chance that someone might fall back into the arms of someone they once loved, because if they really meant that much, then they wouldn't be exes right? Right. One thing i must remember at all times.
2) I'm worth something. I have to stop being so polite/selfless and quite frankly, a pushover. When someones offers to do something for me, it's not going to cause fuss if i accept. Like if a certain handsome man offered a certain redhead lady a lift home, she should not say no to the lift because she may be worried that he is going out of his way and thinks he thinks he has to when he actually want to because he likes too. Duh Rach.
3) Dont' stress about stuff you can't change. Ever since i was little one of my biggest problems has been taking on stresses that aren't mine. That has to stop. People will argue whether you try and help or not, and some things will just happen.
4) Stop trying to put labels on everything. If i'm happy, when is there any need to question and analyse everything. I'm extremely happy again, much happier and confident that i've felt in ages. And i know why. But be that as it may, it doesn't mean that everything must be examined and labelled. As a certain handsome man said "You think about things way too much".
Handsome man is right.
Daily Dilemma #7- The unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter
...Not Harry himself... i mean the whole film genre... is wrong to love HP so much at my age? And is it wrong that i all-to-easily shortened the film name to HP? More importantly, am i a geek?
I was on the bus the other day (for once not playing 'spot the clio'...a sign that i may still be sane..) and i began to see how many Harry Potter spells i could rememeber. Needless to say... i began to feel a bit of a twat when 'Expecto Patronum' (yes that is the correct spelling) rolled off my tongue...
Mind you, when you have the daily stresses i do, it's nice to have somewhere to escape from all the tension, atmosphere and stress. But thats another story for another time..
I was on the bus the other day (for once not playing 'spot the clio'...a sign that i may still be sane..) and i began to see how many Harry Potter spells i could rememeber. Needless to say... i began to feel a bit of a twat when 'Expecto Patronum' (yes that is the correct spelling) rolled off my tongue...
Mind you, when you have the daily stresses i do, it's nice to have somewhere to escape from all the tension, atmosphere and stress. But thats another story for another time..
The photoshoot!
How the hell have i managed to go so long without writing on here? Hmm... well, lots to say as usual! First things first- my photoshoot photo FINALLY came through! Here it is...
I think i scrub up quite well...
xx
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