Packing musing

Well, yes okay. Should have moved in yesterday... but it didn't go to plan... new date is monday and i'm so behind on packing. How the hell can i have so much bloody stuff??

Makes you think when the contents that you hold dear are bagged and boxed up and are enjoying the afternoon sun coming into the dining room. I loathe sorting shit out... i'm a big fan of big piles of papers and sentimental items. But as i began to throw stuff away, something became really obvious. I've changed a hell of a lot in the past year.

A couple of days ago i found a Birmingham A-Z that was i was going to give to my friend. I used the map the very first and last day of my Birmingham life. Way back in 2003 when my dad and i were trying to find my halls of residence which were slap bang in the middle of town, and on the last day when i was trying to find the quickest route out when driving all my stuff back to Leicester as darkness was falling. Was it just a year ago that i graduated?

I have hundreds and hundreds of photos charting my whole uni life. The last photos of me are of the graduation night i arranged for my friends... and i look so down. I was so down. I was much bigger in appearance and you could see my insecurity etched on my face. Finding those the other day i kind of felt sorry for me back then. Not having the courage to break free from a failing relationship, not having the inner peace to just forget everyone else and be happy. Taking photos of my walls, i then see the last picture of me taken recently- a photo of me and Emma #3 on my sisters birthday. So much difference. New hair, new body, new smile. All the people that i've met during the last year have had a profound effect on me, and i will love them all forever for that. Course, i have my moments of paranoia (n.b it's only when i feel under threat or am worried i may lose something precious... so it can't be that bad right?) but i'm laughing more, smiling more and loving again.

So, new house on monday. Really excited... and yet really nervous. When i left for uni, i knew i'd be coming to live at home again while i took my post-grad thingy.. now, its different. I'm leaving forever. I'm gonna miss my Dad and Emma so much, although she'll shortly be joining me in city living soon. Big room, double bed and space for my pole. Perfect. xx