Daily Dilemma Number Twenty-One: Jump?

Many many months ago when i split up with my ex i was a mess... i'm not ashamed to admit that. I was half the woman i am now... crying and hiding, shying away from everyone and unwilling to trust everyone. Poor little girl with a very broken heart. I still think of me crying myself to sleep in those first few weeks and a tear comes to my eye even now.

Heartbreak is one of the worst feelings in the world and unexplainable to those that are lucky enough to have never experienced it. Remember when i tried to write and explain that feeling of temptation in my other blog? I've tried writing about the feeling of heartbreak so many times and it just floors me... i guess it's all still too raw. I'll try again sometime.

Anyway... i digress. I will actually come to my point in the end.


Mid-way though what i remember as my 'dark period' i was asked to interview a very good friend and ex-colleague at a magazine i used to work at. She left that magazine to write a book about her journey through the mysterious and beautiful world of spirituality and how it has affected her life for the better.

In a weird way, that interview changed my life for the better too... and for that i eternally thank you Alice.

Alice Grist, the author of 'The High-heeled guide to Enlightenment' grew up the daughter of a vicar turned wiccan and immersed herself in the world of wiccan culture, including the art of Tarot. After meeting her a few months ago, Alice offered to read my tarot to see where i am and what its instore for fragile, vunerable me.

To be honest, i was a little skeptical. To start with, i needed to know what i wanted to know from the cards. But that threw up lots of questions... was i tempting fate by asking the cards? What if the answer i got was the one i didn't want?? Would i be changing the outcome by asking in the first place?

So i asked one simple question: What does fate have in store for me?

Alice did my reading and the result are and will always be incredibly precious to me. Needless to say, she read me like a book, and knew things about me that i felt and believe but had never mentioned to anyone. I cried when i read the results... not just because the truth was staring me in the face but also because i felt hope for the first time in a long time. I am an abolsute convert.

One particular part that i will tell you about is that Alice saw that the universe knew i was feeling fragile and vunerable and ready to make changes in my life. Because i was pretty much at rock bottom, and nothing could get worse, i was open and ready to receive the little gifts that the universe would send me to get me back on my feet. I believe every word she wrote, and instantly felt a sense of calm.. knowing that however alone and down and dark i feel... there are higher powers around me looking out for me.

Since the reading i have been doing a lot better. My dancing is getting better and better... (see new post) and i seem to be getting a few gifts here and there... meeting amazing new people, new opportunities, little lucky moments. I'm nowhere near recovered and my heart is still on the mend... but i feel a little better already.

So to today's dilemma....

Fate it seems, has dealt me a very lucky card and i've been given a huge chance. BUT, i'm scared. The chance (no i can't tell you) would mean lots of good things for me... but would mean a jump. If i'm still in a state of recovery should i stay where things are safe or do i jump and take a chance?

Van Halen says JUMP!